Return of the…panic attack?
Yep! You read that right. This past week I had my first panic attack in over three years. While on an airplane on my way to Cancun, I was reading my book and it hit me: That sinking, impending doom feeling that sent me into a spiral of anxiety. The bodily discomfort that makes you want to jump out of your seat, the racing heart, tingling face and limbs and overall “get me the hell out of here” feeling. Instantly I thought “this can not be happening again! I’ve been free of this for years, why now?!”
If you have ever had a panic attack, you know very well that in the heat of the moment you feel like it will never end. That somehow you will be stuck in that feeling forever & that is exactly the story that came rushing back despite my knowing that this simply isn’t true.
There, mid panic, that little voice of reason chimed in:
“You have been here before many times, with less self-awareness, less wisdom and less experience. Don’t make this worse for yourself by feeding into your mind’s chatter. Use your tools”.
So I did just that, I turned to the most important source of regulation: My breathing. It was shallow and quick. (This is science guys, lack of oxygen stresses the body and throws things off. To regulate your mind you need to regulate your breathing). Once I slowed my breath and controlled the inhales and exhales I could feel my heart rate start to normalize. “Okay, we are getting somewhere!”
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It is important in any type of heightened emotional state to be your own cheerleader for a moment. Not everyone has a voice of reason during stressful times, but the more you practice your tools, the louder that voice becomes. Notice the improvements and celebrate them! “I’m still ready to jump out of my skin, but hey at least my heart rate is dropping”. Every little victory counts, so take note because this will help decrease the anxiety and increase your success rate.
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I then went into my carry on and grabbed my grounding stone (I told y’all I still carry those). I focused on the stone, my breath and my mantras. Pretty soon my panic went from a 10 to a 5. Improvement! What took hours to get to before, now took a matter of minutes. After about 30 minutes I felt completely normal. Shortly after, I landed in Cancun with an increased trust in myself and my tools.
If you have experienced something similar, it’s helpful to reflect on what could be triggering your anxiety. I was taking two vacations in a row and had been on the move for over a week. I’m starting a new job, moving and was photographing a good friend’s wedding. Also, I’m human and these things happen! There doesn’t need to be a reason, just reflect so that you can be aware of your triggers and learn about yourself. My body was telling me something, and I chose to listen without judgement. While I was in Mexico I made it a point to eat well, meditate and enjoy myself.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because it is important to remember that sometimes we fall back a step. Sometimes old emotions and feelings and stressors come rushing back to the surface and can derail us if we let them. THIS is why I am so passionate about what I share with you all. The more you learn about yourself, the more you care for yourself and the more time you spend on y o u, the easier tough situations will become.
Maybe you don’t have panic attacks. This can apply to anyone. My faith, meditation and my self-care not only help me lead a fulfilled and happy life, they lay a foundation that I can always turn to when I need it. Three years ago that panic attack would have lingered for days, maybe weeks. I would have been stressed and worried and felt defeated my entire vacation. Instead I was able to move through that situation with confidence and trust in myself and enjoy the rest of my trip. Today, I am grounded and know that this does not mean I have failed or am moving backwards in any way. It does not mean I am starting over. It is simply another lesson and a reminder of my strength and capability. && I am here to share that reminder with you. If you take a step back in your healing, don’t attach a story to it. Trust yourself and your progress!