Releasing control: Forget what you think you need.

Yep, that’s me, recovering control freak! Anyone else? I think that all of us can relate to feeling the need to control certain aspects in our life. We feel that if we don’t constantly pray for and work towards a certain outcome it will never happen, right?

Yes and no. This is only partly true.

Control is simple: It is a fear based response that our brain creates to feel like we are in the driver’s seat. In other words, it makes us feel safe. It stems from a lack of confidence / trust and can be one of the biggest obstacles to reaching our goals and receiving the things we desire.

For me, control manifested itself as anxiety and perfectionism. My brain would spin and constantly try to think about every outcome and how I could successfully steer things in the right direction or how I could have done something differently to get a better outcome. If things weren’t working out, I needed to fix them right then and there. (Welcome to the brain of a nurse!). While this may have been helpful in my career path, it created a lot of unnecessary subconscious stress.

Control looks different for everyone. In my life, control did not present itself dramatically. I didn’t really even notice it. Some of you will be able to recognize you’re tendencies right away, others will read this and be like, nope not me! Either way, I think it is worth reminding ourselves that none of us are really in control of our lives. Sure, we can work hard and continue to desire certain things, there’s nothing wrong with that! But be flexible and open to creative ways of getting the things you want out of life.

When I look at my life so far, not getting the things that I wanted the most, right when I wanted them, turned out to be some of the biggest blessings. When you take your hands off of the wheel and loosen your grip for a moment, life can flow through you. Control is often backed by a graspy, insecure and negative energy. It blocks the ability for new (and sometimes better) opportunities to present themselves to you because you are so focused on a single outcome.

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For example, lets pretend you are applying for your dream job. You are so tense and nervous and will be crushed if you don’t get the job. When you go into that interview, this mindset presents itself first. Instead of being your witty and personable self, you will be backed by a needy and fearful energy.

Now, pretend that you instead told yourself you will apply to a few similar jobs and are open to meeting with the employers first before deciding which position will be best for you. Likely, you are going to go into the interviews curious, with good questions and looking to set the foundation of a career path that will best support you.

Which version of you is more likely going to get the job?

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This scenario can apply to all areas of your life! Which version of you is likely to feel happy and fulfilled? The one that is tightly grasping to an outcome, stressed and closed minded; or the one that is confident and trusting and open?

So, to my fellow control freaks: Forget what it is you think you need.

Continue to pray for and meditate on and work towards the things that you want out of life. But instead of feeling like you can control your way to success/what you want, learn to trust that things are always working out for you, just as they are supposed to. The best things in life can’t be controlled. They happen in perfect timing and surprise you with how right they really feel. It may not be exactly what you pictured, just believe that it can be even better!

If there is something that weighs on you and is hard to shake, because we are all human, remind yourself that no matter what the outcome is: You are great and you are capable and you are whole just as you are. Society makes it easy for us to feel like we aren’t doing/being/achieving enough. Continue to focus on being the best you that you can be and forget the rest. Most importantly, have fun along the way!

Mantras for releasing control:

Things are always working out for me.

I am whole and complete just as I am.

Love is flowing to me and through me at all times.

I am loved, guided and taken care of always.

I focus on how I want to feel rather than what I want.