Mourning the past and how to welcome change.
Let’s talk about mourning. Usually when you see or hear this word, it is in reference to losing someone or something. But nobody talks about the mourning of things more common and less serious. Things like going to college or leaving home for the first time, moving to a different place, starting a new career, growing apart from friendships, having all of your kids out of the house for the first time, having a child for the first time, leaving your early twenties and heading towards your thirties — the list goes on. These changes can give us a sense that we have lost something dear to us, like a piece of us has been taken that we can not get back. The truth is, there is always a feeling of “loss” that comes with growing up / change / ended relationships / etc. But with every loss, there is gain as well.
Nobody tells you that is it normal to mourn these small, yet meaningful passings in life. When I was having panic attacks, I told my therapist that what I most afraid of was never feeling the same as I used to again. That I wish I could turn back time and go back to how I felt before I had panic attacks. He asked me why I would want to return to how I was before all of this. He told me that I needed to focus on how I will come out ahead of this so much wiser and better overall. That I should never want to move backwards, but forward in a way that welcomes growth. To be grateful for the changes I was going through. It was honestly one of the most impactful pieces of advice I have ever received && I am so grateful that this came full circle and I was able to pass this onto someone else.
Recently someone who was going through a big change told me that they were afraid that things wouldn’t feel the same again afterwards. That they missed the old days when they didn’t have to worry about adult problems, when they felt content and at ease. To them my response was that life is always going to change, and that’s ok! If something isn’t the “same'‘ anymore, this does not mean that it can not be just as good. Time is something that we can not stop, nor turn back. Every stage of our life will require some type of “mourning” of what was.
When you are feeling like you wish things were how they used to be or wish you could go back in time, ask yourself this: Who is to say that what is coming isn’t just as good as what was, if not better? In this new stage, what am I gaining and what possibilities are there? How will I move to the next stage, better and more experienced & how will this open doors for me along the way? If this is sad or hard, what can I learn from it and carry with me? It is almost a guarantee that some of the most exciting, memorable and positive experiences are still ahead of you. So appreciate and soak up what is here today and remember: