Got Envy?

Let’s talk about envy. This week I came across a podcast from my favorite Life Coach, Brooke Castillo (I can not take credit for all of this content, she nailed it). It is a topic that I feel called to share about because it is something I see so many people struggling with. We all have at some point! These days it seems everywhere we look we are forced to compare ourselves and our lives to those of other people. This can be hard for people and cause a lot of anxiety //insecurity and even lead them to question their own abilities. Or just be rude // not happy for other people, ever. Either way, not good. With Instagram and social media it is nearly impossible to avoid other people’s successes && just as impossible to not slip and compare those to our own. But I’m here to remind you that envy is normal and we can take steps to combat this low energy emotion and use it to our benefit.

But what is envy exactly? Brooke lists two ways we can (choose to) define it:

—The feeling you get when someone else has something that you don’t have, and you want them not to have it (I’ll add “or you think they don’t deserve it” to this). 

This first example comes from a place of lack // scarcity and brings people down (you included). This is a feeling of believing that if someone else has what we want, it takes away from us somehow. That if they are doing // getting it “first”, it makes us less likely to be able to do so. 

This does not help us grow & does NOT benefit us or bring us closer to the things we want. It moves us backwards.

VS

— Seeing something someone else has that you want, thus making you want to go get it. 

This example comes from a place of motivation, inspiration & desire. This is a much better feeling because being inspired creates. It does not diminish or destroy anyone’s accomplishments, it only enhances our own.

This creates more abundance and desire in the world. It brings people UP (ourselves included) instead of trying to bring them down.

Now that we know we have a choice, lets remember that in any given day we can go between both options & that’s okay! Our world is wired to make us compare ourselves & want more. But! We can choose again when this feeling becomes one that isn’t serving us. The more we choose to support others, the better we get at grounding ourselves in the truth which is that there is more than enough to go around. Here are two things you can do to combat feelings of envy when they sneak in:

— The first thing is to remind yourself that life is 50/50 for ALL humans. (Read that again). Life  is  50/50  for  ALL  humans. But they have the car, the spouse, the good looks, the money, the career & no struggles, right? Wrong.  We all  struggle and we all  win.  They had many obstacles, they overcame things and YOU CAN TOO.

— The second thing is to transform the envy you feel into inspiration. Let this person’s success make you feel that you can do this in your life too. Ask yourself — If I had this same thing, would I be happy for them too? If I were in ABUNDANCE, would I be excited for them?

(Sorry for the “abundance” word guys. It’s thrown around so often these days but it is important). 

Brooke reminds us that abundance compounds itself. When people around you are successful that means that success is close to you & just as available! If you use someone’s success against yourself by making rude comments or trying to diminish them in your mind in some way, you no longer have that momentum available to you created by that person’s success. Being happy and excited for people creates this same feeling and energy for y o u and your goals.

I will add a third thing we can do to combat envy:

— Stay grateful. Things / relationships / success don’t create happiness. Our internal environment does. Most of us are beyond blessed and it is important to remember this, always.

With all of this envy talk, it is also important to remember that there are two sides to it. There is the side that comes from us, which is our responsibility to keep in check & there is a side that comes from the energy of others that we can not control.

This can make us feel like we want to shrink ourselves, or not be as outwardly excited about our own accomplishments in fear of making others feel “bad”.  STOP THAT.  It is okay to be proud of yourself. Although ego/bragging is not encouraged, I do believe that we deserve to be just as happy for ourselves as we are for others. You don’t ever need to minimize your successes and the things you are proud of to make others more comfortable. You know how hard you worked for the things you have & have accomplished and it is okay to be happy and excited for yourself. See how this always goes two ways?

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Now that we know what envy is and how we can combat it, here are some common examples of how it can sneak up and hold us back:

Break ups: 

When someone is heartbroken, often times they don’t want their ex to be happy, so they speak badly of them or their new partner in an attempt to bring them down. The heartbroken person wishes for that relationship to end // wants that other person to not feel content or “better” with this new partner.

Instead of this, we can think “Wow, this person seems happy and this might hurt now, but maybe — I — can have this in my own life one day as well”. Use this energy to CREATE your own desire // love instead of trying to sabotage theirs. You can’t control who people choose to be with, but you can always make it easier on yourself.

Careers:

For this topic I have some personal experience. When I was in nursing school, a car accident held me back for over a year. Every time I saw someone graduate with their RN degree, I got this twang of jealousy in my stomach. I wanted to be there SO bad and I wasn’t because of things I couldn’t control. BUT. Had I not been set back, I never would have made the move to Colorado when I did. I graduated from a better program, in a better place and was hired for my top job pick right out of school. This blessed me in so many ways outside of my career too!

If this sounds like you, remember that things happen in perfect timing. If you aren’t where you want to be, keep working and be patient. You will get there!

Social media:

This could be an entire post in itself, but we will stick to the point. Social media is a place where people post the highlights. You often only see one side of someone’s story (**that may not even be truthful**). Stay in your lane && unfollow accounts if they are creating a negative // envious head space for you.