The ways we add to our pain.
How many people do you know who say that they want to feel better about x y or z, but continue to talk about how bad or frustrating the situation is? This is not to say that they don’t WANT to feel better, but when it comes to taking action, most often it is easier for us to stay in discomfort. Our bodies cling to our habits, thoughts, patterns and behaviors as a safety mechanism. By venting, complaining and staying in our pain, somehow this will keep up safe. This takes the focus off of what we are feeling and projects it elsewhere. Trust me, I am all about feeling your feels. But when it comes to actually healing, we need to choose a better thought system so that we do not get stuck in this place of discomfort.
You can not think your way out of an unfavorable situation, but what you can do is shift your focus. What that means is that the next time you want to feel bad for yourself in your current situation or complain about what someone did to you, turn your focus to what is going right // what you can learn from this / or recognize the opportunity for growth. We can not control every situation, person or outcome, but what we can do is control how we react. When we find ourselves stuck in this pain / negative thought cycle we need to recognize it and choose again (and again…and again).
The more you practice this, the easier it will get and soon you will not be stuck in your pain but instead changing your views around the situation and FEELING BETTER. It really is that simple. The more we recognize how we are adding to our pain, the more we can begin to see how we have the power to feel good instead.
Here are some common examples I hear and the thought changes you can try:
“I feel like nothing is going right. I just can’t seem to catch a break.”
- I am recognizing that I am not in alignment with where I want to be in life. What is something I can do today to change that for the better?
“I just don’t understand how someone could treat me like that! I would never do that to someone.”
- This person’s behavior is not a reflection of me. I am grateful that I was shown how I do not want to be treated and have more room for the relationships in my life that serve me.
“I hate having anxiety.”
- My anxiety isn’t my enemy, it’s my body’s way of trying to keep me safe. What can I do today that is going to help me feel safe and decrease my anxiety?
“My dating life sucks. I don’t think I will ever meet someone.”
- Being single means that I can take care of and focus on myself and my goals.
“My job sucks. I hate working.”
- This job is not ideal, but I am glad that I have a way to pay my bills. Where are some other places I might enjoy working at?
“I’m in so much pain all of the time. It is so uncomfortable.”
- I love my body and am grateful for a one that feels and is able. Maybe I can try a yoga class with a friend and see if this helps.
These are just a handful of examples! Use these or make up some of your own. At first it may be hard but the more that you practice this the quicker you will be able to make the switch. A little effort goes a long way!